


If You Want Me To

by CMi (CmiMiu)



Series: DaeJae [8]
Category: B.A.P
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Best Friends, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Bottom Yoo Youngjae, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Heartache, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pain, Pining, Sad, Sad Ending, Top Jung Daehyun, Unrequited, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, With A Twist, Yoo Youngjae-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 11:32:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13457361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CmiMiu/pseuds/CMi
Summary: Daehyun never said he loved Youngjae.Or, Youngjae harbors an unrequited love for his best friend.





	If You Want Me To

Youngjae takes a deep whiff of the flower in his hands. It's a single pale pink peony stem and he smiles at the sweet fragrance that wafts from its core. He knows Daehyun isn't a big fan of flowers, but he had never actually stated his dislike for the ones Youngjae always got him, so Youngjae always makes sure to bring a flower every time he goes to meet Daehyun (never a bouquet because Daehyun is a macho man who doesn't like those things). Turning his gaze towards his reflection in the vanity mirror, he makes sure to dust off any imaginary dust balls from his hoodie and to wipe his sweaty hands on the back pockets of his jeans. His hair, in his mind, looks like a bird's nest, but Daehyun once told him he hated people who used hairspray, and Youngjae has never touched one since. Instead, he slathers his locks with a leave-in conditioner. Citrus scented. The one Daehyun had often used.  
  
  
He's nervous. Then again, whenever he has to meet Daehyun he usually gets that way.  
  
  
*****  
  
  
"Another date with Daehyun?" Yongwon asks from behind the order station. Youngjae smiles sheepishly and bites his lips as he nods. Muttering his order when a look of melancholy crosses the elder's face.  
  
  
He's down at the man's cafe for a late breakfast. It's Saturday, so naturally, the place is steaming with couples and children alike. He doesn't have to meet Daehyun until late after around seven, so Youngjae decides to catch a brunch and maybe while away his time with the man before he has to go.  
  
  
"Yeah. I need to go around seven." He says, ignoring the pain that crosses his brother's face.  
  
  
"Youngjae..." Yongwon's voice carries a heavy pain in it. Impossible to miss. Like blood leaking from a wound.  
  
  
Youngjae winces at the man's desperate tone. He knows if he lets him continue, Yongwon will only try to stop him. "Don't, please." He mildly warns the man. His eyes shaking as if telling the man to not even broach the topic. And like all the other times he has, Yongwon lets it go.  
  
  
A thick silence, like the condensed milk their sister uses to bake pastries, settles over the siblings. Each reluctant to break it. However, being the elder one, and due to the consistent gnawing in his stomach, Yongwon breaks it. "This isn't even a fucking date, Jae?" Biting his lips, denying the tears in his eyes. "He never even said he loved you, did he?"  
  
  
The younger jerks his head up at that. That's a low blow. It's a nail that Yongwon only digs deeper into Youngjae's gut every time they talk about Daehyun. Reminding him over and over again how his love is unrequited. He does this everytime. And Youngjae always let's him. Being his brother, he at least has the right to do that.  
  
  
"He doesn't need to."  
  
  
_Flashback_ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae is staring at wide-mouthed at the sweater on display, practically drooling with desire. Daehyun beside him is chuckling lowly in his high-pitched voice. The slightly elder one points at the sweater and tilts his head towards Youngjae, one eyebrow raised. "You want it?"_ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae nods his head frantically, pouting to boot for effect. But then his eyes land on the price tag and turns into a ragdoll, falling limply on an unsuspecting Daehyun. He turns to the barely startled boy and in his dramatic voice whines. "Why is life so unfair, Daehyun!? Why must all good things come with a huge price tag!?"_ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun grins as he ruffles his hair before straightening his body so that Youngjae isn't leaned all over him anymore. "You sound like Himchan Hyung." He chuckles at the thought of his brother and Youngjae falls a little more in love with the tiny, insignificant and easy-to-miss-if-you're-not-looking crinkles near his eyes. "He once gave me an hour long lecture about consumerism and how people's desire to always show others up only fills the pockets of brand names or something." He shudders and Youngjae shudders with him in acknowledgment. "It was awful."_ _  
__  
__  
__They walk away from the shop, making their way to the one next doors carrying pet supplies. Neither of them owns a pet, but that doesn't stop the two from raiding every shelf at the place until they are asked to leave. They keep shop-hopping like that for the next few hours, never buying anything. Because according to the two, 'Window Shopping is the best kind of Shopping'._ _  
__  
__  
__Their 'Hang Outs', that Youngjae wishes he could call 'Dates', are usually like that. Every Saturday and Wednesday, the only days they both are free from the tortures of college, the two boys go window shopping at the nearby shoppers district. Sometimes they go bowling or karaoke, ending the night with a sleepover and beer. And sometimes, they just sit under a tree letting the silence engulf them as they sip on juice boxes and eat pizza.  Usually, they both bid goodbyes at the bus stop, hugging each other. Bidding goodnight, until they meet the next  day at college, during lunch break or between one of their shared classes._ _  
__  
__  
__Every so often, Daehyun walks him home._ _  
__  
__  
__Those are the best days, when Daehyun walks him home. Generally, Daehyun is an energy bubble of giggles and laughter and softness that everyone knows and sees. But, it is during these nightly walks that Daehyun turns into the Busan man he is. And Youngjae always feels his breath hitch at the sudden change. It usually happens as soon as the sun sets and the elder declares that he'll walk him home._ _  
__  
__  
__He never lets Youngjae walk alone at nights._ _  
__  
__  
__His voice turns a timbre lower. The fact that Daehyun's natural voice is a high tenor only makes the acids in Youngjae's stomach to boil. "I'll walk you home." Daehyun whispers and his voice is low but not too low. Like melting wax. Youngjae can't help but let his cheeks redden._ _  
__  
__  
__Today isn't any different. Youngjae, after going through much trouble to discreetly 'lose' his bus ticket that he'd bought with Daehyun, manages to score another walk home with him. They are walking through the silent neighborhood and it's eerily quiet but Youngjae isn't afraid. It's partly because of the fact that the porch lights of every house in the area are switched on. But mainly because Daehyun is beside him and he feels protected without the elder confirming his theories._ _  
__  
__  
__Just as they reach the front porch of Youngjae's home, Daehyun whispers to him. Which is odd because Daehyun never talks on their walks home. It's like an unvoiced statement that these walks are supposed to be silent. Nonetheless, eager to listen to Daehyun's soft voice again, Youngjae leans back under the threshold of his entrance._ _  
__  
__  
__"You want me to get that sweater for you?"_ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae is more amused than shocked. Because this has happened a plenty times before. It's almost endearing and only strengthens the younger's feelings for his best friend. He knows that Daehyun wants to get him that sweater. Knows it's a carnal need of his now, like all the other times Youngjae has asked for something and Daehyun has strived to get them for him. So he nods his head and leans his body sideways on the closed door, eyeing him from under his hoodie._ _  
__  
__  
__"I want it. Can you get it for me?"_ _  
__  
__  
__"If you want me to." His best friend/crush shrugs his shoulder easily. Nonchalantly. But Youngjae can see the relief in his eyes. The kind you get when you are waiting for someone to grant permission for something._ _  
__  
__  
__The next day, Daehyun buys him that sweater, and Youngjae feels the world tilt a little at the smile his friend shoots at him._ _  
__  
__  
__Flashback Over_ _  
__  
_  
Youngjae soon leaves the cafe, not wanting to soil the atmosphere more than it already has been. He's busy texting Jongup to meet up at his friend’s apartment when his eyes land on Yongguk from across the signal. "Yongguk!" he yells to grab the man's attention before he boards the bus. When Yongguk acknowledges him Youngjae jogs across the zebra crossing watching Yongguk wave his hand at the bus drive, telling him to go on without him.  
  
  
"Hey there, Jae." Yongguk ruffles his hair good-naturedly. Grinning as he goes to sit at the bus stop again.  
  
  
Youngjae frowns at the nickname, pouting a little. "Why didn't you call me 'loverboy' like you always do, Guk?"  
  
  
He watches the elder's features falter and feigns ignorance. His own heart bleeding out with pain. "I didn't want to remind you." Is Yongguk's lame excuse. One which Youngjae has been at the receiving end of since they found out.  
  
  
"Just because he can't love me back," Youngjae begins, never looking at the man. "Doesn't mean he doesn't already."  
  
  
"Let him go, Jae." Yongguk begins. The pleading in his voice sounds like needles poking into his ears. "Move on from him, please."  
  
  
"I can't, Yongguk."  
  
  
Yongguk sighs harshly. It's hard. Trying to make Youngjae see sense is hard. It's near impossible. And Yongguk doesn't have the patience to sugar coat his words with promises of a requited love. He doesn't possess the self-restraint to control his words so he keeps his words short. "You can if you want to, Youngjae. Just forget him."  
  
  
"Don't force me, Yongguk. Please." Youngjae looks at him then. And Yongguk sees a sea of unbridled emotion in the younger's eyes. He is struck with the feebleness of the boy in front of him and every restraint of his breaks down as harsh words that are far from the truth escape his lips.  
  
  
"Just get over him dammit! It's not worth it. It's not worth you crying at nights and weeping during the days thinking we don't know! It's not worth hurting yourself, cutting yourself! Nothing is worth the pain you are causing others by hurting yourself Youngjae!" He knows he's shouting. Yongguk is well aware that the people around them can hear everything he is saying- yelling. But, he doesn't really care now. It's been more than a year and now, and Youngjae just can't seem to let go of the boy.  
  
  
"Daehyun is worth it." is the only thing Youngjae respond to the man. Already used to his outbursts.  
  
  
And just like that, all the adrenaline in Yongguk's veins dries out. It's the fatigue in Youngjae's voice that does it. It's clear that the boy is tired of his own obsession with his friend as well. Tired of his feelings that just won't go. His voice turns into a soft whisper as he takes the boy's hand. "Youngjae, I can't see the future. I don't know what you'll do next or what you have in mind. It scares me that I don't, because that means you could kill yourself because of Daehyun the next minute and I wouldn't known until it's too late." He chokes when he says that. The words hitting home a little too close for comfort. "But I know one thing and that is that..." He bites his lips, daring himself to say the words that he knows will cut into Youngjae's heart harder than not having Daehyun. "Daehyun is not in your future, Jae. He never will be."  
  
  
Youngjae looks at him, devoid of any emotions. His face a blank poker face that haunts Yongguk even as he looks at it.  
  
  
"Daehyun is worth my entire life, Yongguk. My future is nothing."  
  
  
Soon the bus comes and the two board it, never exchanging a word. Yongguk drops off at the studio, guilt taking over his entire anatomy. Youngjae rides until he gets to the crossroads where Jongup’s apartment complex is.  
  
  
_Flashback_ _  
__  
__  
__"Mind telling me exactly why you were in jail, Daehyun?" Himchan towers over his brother as he turns away to put on his jacket._ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun, trying his hardest to look cute in the leather jacket to escape his brothers wrath but failing, giggles as he ruffles his hair. "We were just drinking some beers and stuff. But then one thing led to another and long story short we decided to pee on every computer in the Computer Lab to declare our freedom from the clutches of Lab Tests."_ _  
__  
__  
__Himchan huffs a relieved breath and falls back on the desk heavily as he breathes out lightly. "Thank God! I thought you two got caught for drugs or something!"_ _  
__  
__  
__Of course, Himchan's calm is met with Yongguk’s storm, who slams his hand across Daehyun's brother's head. "Seriously!?" He exclaims at the now crouched with pain figure of Himchan's. "Peeing all over school property isn't any better!" He turns to his own brother, who is carrying a major hangover and places his hands on his hibs, screeching into the younger's ears. "What were you even thinking!?"_ _  
__  
__  
__"It's not his fault!" Daehyun jumps to his friend's rescue. And neither Yongguk nor Himchan, nor the police officer, are surprised. When they all turn to him with an amused smile, he ducks his head letting Youngjae lean into as he explains. "Jae was just drunk and he said how he wanted to pee on every computer in the computer lab and I agreed and he really didn't know what he even doing; he was way too drunk, you know how he is right, Yongguk; he just goes blank when he drink; he has the lowest alcohol tolerance, but I couldn't just say no to him because I didn-"_ _  
__  
__  
__A hand on his mouth stops his monologue and Daehyun is suddenly aware the he was babbling. The hand over his mouth is Youngjae's who is just as red as Daehyun can feel his cheeks turn. The two elder's simply roll their eyes at them._ _  
__  
__  
__Yongguk then, more amused than angry by now, warns them as they exit the police station. "Just don't that again, okay?" He gives Youngjae a look that means 'Don't!' and turns to Daehyun as he points at him. "I don't care how many times he requests you or whether he's sober or not, you're not doing anything stupid like this again."_ _  
__  
__  
__Himchan drives them back home and Youngjae promises to call Daehyun after dinner. And sure enough after streaming through dinner and a session of lectures from his very amused parents about 'respecting school property' and 'just don't get caught next time' and 'we're still grounding you because that's not a good thing to do but Appa is proud of you my son because this is true manliness' and a smack on Daehyun's father's head courtesy his mother, Daehyun is in his bed, clutching his phone to his ears. Grinning like a Cheshire cat._ _  
__  
__  
__"I got grounded for two weeks." Youngjae tells him._ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun groans as he kicks his blankets off. "I got three days!"_ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae chuckles at the petulant tone of the elder and muses, "shouldn't you be happy about that? That's nothing compared to what I got!"_ _  
__  
__"But I won't get to see you!"_ _  
__  
__  
__The other grins cheerily at the words and pulls his blankets up to his ears, imagining Daehyun beside him. "You could always get in trouble again, you know."_ _  
__  
__  
__"Do you want that?" Daehyun is serious all of a sudden. His voice, lower. The natural tenor giving way to a low bass. Youngjae gulps at the sound. It vibrates down his spine, when Daehyun speaks that way. The whisper that Daehyun only uses with him._ _  
__  
__  
__"What?"_ _  
__  
__  
__"Do you want me to get in trouble?"_ _  
__  
__  
__And Youngjae knows that Daehyun will do it. He knows the other boy won't hesitate from causing so trouble for himself if Youngjae asks him to. The knowledge both makes butterflies flutter in his belly and scares him. "I don't want you to get in trouble." A silence fills the moment before Youngjae is speaking again. "I want you to come over. Sneak up to my place when light is out. Can you do that?"_ _  
__  
__  
__He doesn't even have to hear Daehyun's reply to know that the boy will come. But something about the way Daehyun always agrees makes him want to keep asking the boy for more._ _  
__  
__  
__"If you want me to."_ _  
__  
__  
__Flashback Over_ _  
__  
_  
Jongup sees him first and waves the boy over as he makes his way towards him. As soon as he sees him, Youngjae leans into his open embrace, basking in the warmth of those arms around him. "Off to see Daehyun today?" he asks, and Youngjae leans away to smile at him gratefully. He's the only one who supports his crazy love for his friend.  
  
  
"Yeah." Youngjae nods and they walk away towards the in-complex play area. He takes a seat on one of the tire swings and further adds, "I'm meeting him at the usual place at seven."  
  
  
Jongup hums thoughtfully and then pushes his feet to make the swing move. Youngjae follows suit, marveling at the afternoon sky that is cloudy today. They sit like that for a while before a thought crosses Jongup’s mind. He turns to the boy and asks incredulous, "won't it be night out by then? Are you gonna walk home alone?"  
  
  
A million feelings burst inside him when Jongup asks him that. Because Daehyun stopped walking him a year ago. His eyes water when he thinks about it and he doesn't try to hide it. Because Jongup understands him. "I'll just ride the bus, Uppid."  
  
  
"I'll give you a ride back, if you-" But Jongup stops himself. Because he knows Youngjae wouldn't want that. Sensing the atmosphere turning for the worst, Jongup quickly flips the topic. "Why are you wearing this hoodie, though? You know Daehyun doesn't like that color!"  
  
  
Youngjae smiles a broken but grateful smile at the man and nods his head pouting. "That was the only one left in the dryer!"  
  
  
"Bcleh!" The younger boy makes a disgusted face and Youngjae giggles at the man's expression. "If you want to impress a guy you gotta wear what he likes, bae." He declares in a dramatically,, sagely voice.  
  
  
Youngjae simply rolls his eyes and mutters a "whatever." Grinning at the boy’s offer to lend of his T-shirts to him.  
  
  
They take the elevator to Jongup’s apartment to grab a change of clothes for him.  
  
  
_Flashback_ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae stares at the coffee cup sitting in front of him. He then lifts his head up to peer over at the boy sitting opposite to him in Yongwon's cafe. It's oddly romantic, the atmosphere. Soft indie music playing in the background and a boxy smile to match his own on display only for him._ _  
__  
__  
__"Do you... wanna catch a movie sometime?" The boy asks and Youngjae turns to mush. It's not as extreme a reaction as what he feels for Daehyun. Not even a 0.1% of it really, but this is the first time some has told him they like. And it's the first time he's felt anything even remotely close to what he might feel towards Daehyun for someone else._ _  
__  
__  
__So he says "Sure." He's barely aware of how selfish he's being then. He doesn't love the boy.  Sure he's sweet and always smiling. And his smile is the most charming one Youngjae's ever seen._ _  
__  
__  
__But he's not Daehyun._ _  
__  
__  
__But that's the only way he can get over his best friend. At least that's what he tells himself when he agrees on a date for the weekend._ _  
__  
__  
__And they go on a date, which quickly turns to two. And soon it's their third month together. Youngjae doesn't feel much for the boy.   And unlike Youngjae thought he would, dating someone else doesn't help. He's still in love with Daehyun. But he still gives it his all._ _  
__  
__  
__And that's when Daehyun finds out._ _  
__  
__  
__*****_ _  
__  
__  
__"I heard you're dating Seokjin?" Daehyun asks him on one of their silent walks._ _  
__  
__  
__A weight, heavy as the world, seems to settle over Youngjae's chest when Daehyun's voice turns to a whisper. He's suddenly hit with the realization that he never mentioned that to him. Suddenly struck with his unrequited feelings for his best friend all over again._ _  
__  
__  
__"Yeah," is all he manages. Voice so silent, you would miss._ _  
__  
__  
__But Daehyun doesn't miss it. He can hear the forced admission loud and clear. Huffing a puff of cold air, the elder boy juts his hands into his jeans pockets and looks up to stare at the sky._ _  
__  
__  
__And Youngjae knows that Daehyun's going to tell a lie. He always looks up at the sky before telling one._ _  
__  
__  
__"I'm happy for you." It's like acid being pumped into his veins. Like a slow poison taking effect. Hearing Daehyun say that hurts more than his unreturned feelings. But then, Daehyun always makes things harder for Youngjae. "I'm also dating someone."_ _  
__  
__  
__If Youngjae was hurting before, now it's turned to numbness. His voice is hollow when he asks, "who?"_ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun shrugs and even though Youngjae knows he's lying he can't help but feel his soul break when the boy replies without a breath. "Junhong."_ _  
__  
__  
__Flashback Over_ _  
__  
_  
"Are you still in contact with Junhong?" Jongup asks over the brim of the coffee cup in his hands. Youngjae can see the swirly steam condense over the younger’a nose.  
  
The  elder nods his head and smack his lips as he gulps down the hot cocoa. "Three of us are hanging out together tomorrow."  
  
Jongup winces at the words but doesn't apologize for the gesture. "How can you manage to hang out with him... with Daehyun and him? Doesn't it hurt you? Both of them together?"  
  
Youngjae smiles ruefully as he states up at the ceiling, just like Daehyun did. "It doesn't hurt me, Uppie" he lies, just like Daehyun used to. "I like Daehyun too much."  
  
And this time, Jongup knows he means it.  
  
_Flashback_ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae has his face hidden between the dip in Daehyun's shoulder and neck. Hiccups issuing from his bruised, red lips and puffy eyes that seem to want to cry on forever. The only comfort he finds are the sturdy arms that hold him, fingers running through rebellious locks that seemed to have been pulled at. A calming, low, whispered shushing, soothing his nerves._ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun doesn't ask what happened. He never does when Youngjae is crying because he knows the boy won't answer. Can't answer. Instead, when Youngjae barges into his bedroom, sniffling back choked sobs, at near midnight, he simply hangs up on his phone call and opens his arms for the boy._ _  
__  
__  
__It's been three hours since Youngjae came. Of which, two had been spent trying to calm the younger boy down enough so he wasn't hysterical anymore. An hour has passed since either of them has even uttered a word._ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun's fingers are now tracing odd shapes inside the dip on Youngjae's lower back. His legs, though he's the shorter one, are curled protectively around Youngjae's curled up body. It fills him with relief to see that the boy isn't alive ring anymore. His tears dried leaving dry tear tracks on Daehyun's shirt._ _  
__  
__  
__And then Youngjae moves. It's a slight head movement. Only enough to look up at Daehyun. And it pains the elder to see the redness in his eyes. Youngjae's bottom lip has dried blood in the corner and he looks distraught._ _  
__  
__  
__But, Daehyun won't mention it. He'll wait for Youngjae to tell him._ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae gulps down his anxiety. Daehyun's embrace acting like and sedative that numbs down his fear to nothing._ _  
__  
__  
__"I didn't want to date him anymore." His words are mumbled. A mere whir of sound. But Daehyun doesn't miss it. "I told him that a- and he tried to fo- force himself on me."_ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae can feel the lazy ministrations of Daehyun's fingers on his lower back stop. He looks away from Daehyun’s eyes and leans his cheek on his friends chest. The angry thumping of his heart in its cage, surrounds the younger with more warmth than it should. He feels the arms around him tighten just a little but the effect it has on Youngjae is enormous. Daehyun's nose flaring, blowing hot, angry breaths over the top of his head. He closes his eyes and presses his forehead into Daehyun's chest. Biting his lips as he does so._ _  
__  
__  
__"What do you want me to do, Jae?" Daehyun's words echo in his ears._ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae knows that despite how uncaring the words might seem there is a hidden promise in Daehyun's words. He knows that Daehyun is angry now. Knows that the words are more than a mere question that Daehyun is asking of him. He knows the words aren't condescending, and Youngjae pushes further into Daehyun's body._ _  
__  
__  
__'Can I hurt him back?'_ _  
__'Should I beat him up?'_ _  
__'Am I allowed to kill that bastard?'_ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae knows that Daehyun is asking his permission to hurt Seokjin._ _  
__  
__  
__So he nods his head and presses his forehead inside the crook of Daehyun's neck. Lips trembling and eyes watery. He gulps down a choked sob. Daehyun's embrace inescapable._ _  
__  
__  
__“Beat him up for me. Hurt him. Break his leg, Daehyun. Please!" In an afterthought he adds, "but don't kill him or hurt him enough to go to jail, okay?"_ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun doesn't give a reply. He simply pulls Youngjae impossibly close into himself. Letting his arms cage him. Curling his body around him, Daehyun pulls the comforter over their bodies._ _  
__  
__  
__"If you want me to."_ _  
__  
__  
__*****_ _  
__  
__  
__"You are suspended for this entire semester, Daehyun-ssi." The man sitting in the desk in front of him states with barely hidden anger. Daehyun bows his head politely accepting the punishment. The man huffs a tired sigh as he leans his elbows on the table and regards Daehyun with curious eyes. "You're not usually violent like this. What happened that you beat up Seokjin so bad that he got a fracture? What did you do that he won't even confess you did it? If the other students present hadn't told me, I'd never even know that you were the one who did it, Daehyunah. "_ _  
__  
__  
__"Sir?" Daehyun looks up startled at the man's expression of endearment for him._ _  
__  
__  
__The elder's face expressions soften and he smiles warmly at Daehyun. "We're alone in the office right now. It's okay, Daehyunah." Youngjae's father assures him. A fatherly expression replaces the anger previously etched into his brow._ _  
__  
__  
__"He was hurting Youngjae, sir." Daehyun looks up at the elder's face. There is no regret in his features as he admits to that._ _  
__  
__  
__"Then you should've let Youngjae handle this!" The elder frowned as he exclaimed without missing a beat. He groaned as he continued. "You don't need to fight his battles for him, Daehyun. And even if you did get involved, this is taking it too far! Seokjin is on a soccer scholarship. You almost cost the boy his education! His career!"_ _  
__  
__  
__"He was forcing himself on Youngjae, Sir." A chilled silence follows Daehyun's calm declaration. One which neither tries to melt by voicing out their thoughts._ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun watches Mr Yoo's knuckles white in a failed attempt to keep his anger at bay. The deep-set frown that he only gets when angry, settles over his brow. The elder is at a loss for words. His blood boiling at the news. And Daehyun knows that if it hadn't been for the fact that he'd already done the job for him, Mr Yoo would surely have turned Seokjin into dust by now._ _  
__  
__  
__“Why didn’t he tell us, then?” Is all the man manages to word out, before the lump in his throat leaves him wordless again._ _  
__  
__  
__His voice a soothing whisper now, Daehyun explains. “He didn’t want to stress you out, Sir.” Seeing the guilt surface in the man’s eyes, the boy hastens to continue. “He’s fine now. I asked him over and over.” When he sees his friend’s father’s lips tremble with unbridled pain, Daehyun smiles his sedating smile. “Before anything bad could happen, Youngjae managed to get away.”_ _  
__  
__  
__“That son of a bitch!” Youngjae’s father grumbles under his breath, not trusting his voice to hold any command. Daehyun can clearly make out the hurt in his mumbled curse. Tears pricking the corners of his eyes at the prospect of his son nearly being molested._ _  
__  
__  
__The old man’s trembling hands, however, are soon covered by a warm assuring pair. Mr Yoo looks up somewhat startled to find Daehyun still in the office with him. “It’s okay now. Relief fills his heart at the warmth Daehyun’s eyes hold. At the assurance, his words promise of. “Don’t worry, Sir. I’ve got his back.”_ _  
__  
__  
__  
__*****_ _  
__  
__  
__  
__They are walking home again. Youngjae is hanging off Daehyun’s right arm like his life depends on it. Daehyun simply lets the boy do as he pleases, ignoring when Youngjae’s nails start digging into his skin through his T-shirt. The air is mellow with the smell of spring just around the corner and Youngjae finds himself leaning further into Daehyun’s side._ _  
__  
__  
__Soon they reach the front porch of Youngjae’s home. Daehyun hangs in the back until Youngjae reaches the door and waves his hand at him, wishing him Goodnight and Goodbye. However, just as he turns, something compels Youngjae to move._ _  
__  
__  
__The younger one rushes forward before Daehyun can fully turn away and grabs his wrist just as he takes a step. Daehyun turns to him in mild alarm and cocks his eyebrow as if asking him ‘what’s up?’ Youngjae gulps back a curse and bits his lips. He closes his eyes and fists his sweaty palms. Willing his eyes to not bleed out any more tears, Youngjae snivels out his confession._ _  
__  
__  
__“I like you, Daehyun.”_ _  
__  
__  
__A second passes. Heavy and daunting. It’s like the air has stilled around and Youngjae cringes. Imagining the disgusted Daehyun must be carrying in his eyes for him, his lips start to tremble despite the humid warmth of spring. After much persuasion to his own heart, Youngjae opens his eyes._ _  
__  
__  
__“I know.” Daehyun is smiles at him. His eyes scrunched, just like they always are when Youngjae says something worth smiling about. Whenever Youngjae is beside him._ _  
__  
__  
__“I- I love you, Daehyun-ah” Youngjae painfully reiterates in an attempt to get his point across. He doesn’t want misunderstanding to ruin his confession. He wants Daehyun to know, that he is in love with him._ _  
__  
__  
__Once again, Daehyun’s habit of not replying comes to, as he turns around completely to face Youngjae. He places his hands around the younger’s waist and pulls him close. His fingers resting tactfully over the jutting hip bone. Pulling their bodies impossibly close, Daehyun doesn’t stop until their hips are touching. “I’m so glad I wore these boots today,” he smirks, leaning his forehead over Youngjae’s. Looking down at the boy he’s not used to being taller than. “I’m finally tall enough.” His voice holds a cheekiness to it._ _  
__  
__  
__But years of being together, playing together, crying together, has given Youngjae enough tact to know that Daehyun understands him. That Daehyun knows now. “I- I only dated him to get over you, Daehyun.” Youngjae cries, letting his tears finally fall wistfully. He pushes his face into Daehyun’s T-shirt. Clutches his collars with desperation. As if letting go will make Daehyun vanish. “It didn’t work. I love you too much. But… you’re dating Junhong.”_ _  
__  
__  
__It shouldn’t be possible with how close they are already standing, but Daehyun manages to pull Youngjae even more in. He presses his forehead against Youngjae’s and closes his eyes with a deep sigh. His hot breath brushing the younger’s lips._ _  
__  
__  
__For once Youngjae doesn’t care who sees. He is well aware that the way they are standing now is too intimate to be platonic. But he finds himself not caring. Daehyun’s warm breath filling his lungs as the elder opens his eyes to look down at him._ _  
__  
__  
__“Forget about Junhong for now” Daehyun whispers. In his Busan voice that has Youngjae melting at the seams. The trembling in his goosebumps multiplies tenfold. Youngjae opens his eyes to stares into the endless orbs that are gazing at him in a mixture of adore and wonder. “Tell me what you would’ve said, if I wasn’t dating him.”_ _  
__  
__  
__“Be my boyfriend.” It’s a second too late that Youngjae realizes just how stupid his statement was. His own confession sounding morbidly lame to him. He winces visibly at his own words and shies away from Daehyun’s startled eyes._ _  
__  
__  
__But Daehyun seems to have liked it._ _  
__  
__  
__The elder, leans down, his lips now mere inches away from Youngjae’s. With bated breath Youngjae waits for movement, but Daehyun only speaks. “Is it cool if I kiss you?” But Youngjae doesn’t trust his voice to he simply nods. His nose brushing Daehyun’s cherry lips. “Say it with words, Jae.” Daehyun commands him huskily._ _  
__  
__  
__A broken “yes” escapes his lips before Daehyun dives into the kiss._ _  
__  
__  
__It’s soft. Too soft. Youngjae barely registers the pressure on his lips before the realization hits him. He has only just started to enjoy the feather light touch. Only just felt the warm breath mingle with his own. It’s too soon before Daehyun’s plump lips leave his and Youngjae finds himself falling forwards trying to get them to stay._ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun catches him before his footing gives way and Youngjae’s cheeks turn into a dusky hue with embarrassment. Daehyun chuckles in a guttural low hum. He pulls Youngjae into an embrace, letting the boy hide his face in his neck._ _  
__  
__  
__Something stirs in Youngjae’s mind then and he peaks up from Daehyun’s embrace. Still locked safely between Daehyun’s arms, Youngjae voices out the most unnerving inquiry. “What about Junhong?”_ _  
__  
__  
__“Don’t worry about him” is what Daehyun tells him, so how could he possibly let his mind wander there? He smiles back and hugs Daehyun again._ _  
__  
__  
__“You never answered, though,” Youngjae pouts and Daehyun kisses his lips both staggering and pleasing the boy. When Daehyun pulls back, Youngjae asks him again. “You’ll be my boyfriend, right?”_ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun nods. “If you want me to.”_ _  
__  
__  
__Flashback Over_ _  
__  
_  
Youngjae eyes his wrist watch, Daehyun’s father’s wristwatch, and jumps to his feet with a start. “I gotta go, Uppie! It’s almost four and I need to meet up with Himchan on the way too!” Without giving Jongup a chance to bid farewell, Youngjae rushes out the apartment. He streams towards a nearby bus stop, boarding the first bus that stops in front of him.  
  
  
It’s a fifteen minutes’ journey and soon Youngjae is standing outside a standalone office building. More specifically, Daehyun’s brother’s workplace. Following solely his muscle memory, the boy gets into the elevator. His fingers find him pressing the fifteenth-floor button. He watches the numbers change and before he knows it, he’s standing in front of the closed door of a music studio.  
  
  
Without so much as knocking, Youngjae pushes the door open. Sure enough, Himchan is sitting behind a music console, pushing knobs and faders up and down. As if sensing a presence behind him, the elder turns. His feature lighting up in a pleasant smile at the sight of the boy.  
  
  
“Jae!” Himchan exclaims, opening his arms to the boy in an obvious call for embrace. Youngjae leans into those arms and is struck with just how similar the two brothers’ embrace feels. Except that Himchan’s exudes a lighthearted coolness and Daehyun’s was always heated warmth.  
  
  
“You called for me?” Youngjae asks, taking a seat in the office chair opposite to Himchan’s.  
  
  
Himchan smirks and ruffles his hair. “Are you that eager to get to the point and leave, chicken?” When Youngjae sticks his tongue out at him, Himchan merely slaps his cheeks good-naturedly. Soon, though, he mellows down and falls further back into his chair.  
  
  
He is looking at Youngjae. Some foreign but almost too familiar look crossing his visage. “What is it, Himchan?” Youngjae asks cheekily. He’s curious as well, but doesn’t exactly mind the wait either. “I have to meet up with Daehyun in an hour.”  
  
  
Himchan sighs when he hears that and turns around to pluck out Walkman from underneath the rubble of papers on his desk. When he turns around, Youngjae eyes the device in his hands with obvious curiosity. “Take this with you.”  
  
  
Youngjae gulps as he touches the cool metallic surface and nods his head absentmindedly still staring at the device. He looks away from the thing in his hands and at Himchan but the man doesn’t match his eyes with him. Carefully, almost as if worshipping at a shrine, Youngjae places the object into the front pocket of leather jacket that Jongup had lent him.  
  
  
They talk for a while after that. About random things. Laughing so loud the empty soda cans on Himchan’s work table start to tremble. Soon, the clock beeps, indicating the time being five thirty. Youngjae takes his leave.  
  
  
Taking away the laughter with him as he goes.  
  
  
_Flashback_ _  
__  
__  
__“What do you like the most about me?” Daehyun asks one day while they are lying idly in Youngjae’s bed._ _  
__  
__  
__It’s raining outside and Youngjae’s parents are out visiting his grandparents in Daegu, as are Daehyun’s. Himchan is out with his friends attending a fraternity night out and Yongwon is working at his part time job. Daehyun knows it’s all excuses to give Youngjae and him the quality time the elders think they deserve._ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae looks away from the raining pelting outside and rests his chin just above Daehyun’s belly button. He watches his boyfriend of ten months with dreamy, mesmerized eyes. A goofy smile snaking into his lips. Daehyun cards his fingers into his hair and Youngjae leans willingly into the touch._ _  
__  
__  
__“I like your voice, Dae.”_ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun snarls in mock anger and pushes Youngjae’s face away. He turns away haughtily and pouts as he whines. “You know how much I hate my voice! It’s like Spongebob; it’s so annoying! Urgh! It’s so unmanly, Jae. You know I hate it!”_ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae swiftly gets to his knees and turns Daehyun around so he’s on his back. He straddles the boy and locks his arms above his head, smirking triumphantly. “Nothing about you is hateful. Including your voice.” He presses a quick kiss into Daehyun’s lips, making him forget all about pretending to be mad and continues. “Especially when you turn all serious and start whispering in that husky tone. Being a full-on man whore.”_ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun loops his hands around Youngjae’s lower body, pushing him down so they can kiss again. It’s a lingering touch. Minty and lime scented. “You’re beautiful, Jae.” Daehyun’s eyes cloud with the sincerity his words plead. His eyes turning into slits, cheeks turned up, when Youngjae swoons._ _  
__  
__  
__“How come you won’t have sex with me then?” Youngjae pouts, unable to hide the resentment in his voice, as he pulls away._ _  
__  
__  
__The elder rolls his eyes and leans up on his elbows catching the younger’s lips in a hungry, urgent kiss. His takes his chin between the thumb and index finger of his right hand and pushes Youngjae’s back into the mattress. Their tongues fight for dominance, but Youngjae let’s Daehyun win, mainly because Daehyun always does anyway._ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun turns his body to straddle Youngjae’s and the scene is so different from before now that Daehyun is on the top. Before it was all giggles and fluttering laughter. Cute and adorable even. But, now. Now the atmosphere has heated to a boiling point. Hot vapors erupting around them as Daehyun pushes hungrily into Youngjae’s accepting body._ _  
__  
__  
__He pulls apart too soon, however. Youngjae is heaving by the time his sense return. He looks up at an equally breathless Daehyun. “Idiot.” Daehyun mutters frustrated. The aggravation apparent in his growl. His lifts his hand to caress the side of Youngjae’s face. “You never asked, idiot. Have you any idea how much I suffered these past months?”_ _  
__  
__  
__“Wh-“ He’s left speechless by the moment. But the hooded eyes that stare at him in frustration. At the heavy breaths that force their chests to brush momentarily. At Daehyun’s low whisper that sounds like grunts. “What stopped you then?”_ _  
__  
__  
__“I was waiting for you to ask, dumbass.” Daehyun exclaims like it’s the most obvious thing on earth and Youngjae can’t help but chortle lovingly. He pulls him down for another kiss, giggling when Daehyun limply falls down on him._ _  
__  
__  
__“Is that a kink of yours?” He inquires cheekily, laughing merrily when Daehyun groans shyly._ _  
__  
__  
__When the elder pulls back and looks down on him, he kisses Youngjae slowly. Softly. “If consent is a kink, then yes.”_ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae smiles against the welcoming lips and pushes Daehyun back a little. “Okay then.” He declares, clearing his throat dramatically before he continues. “Daehyun-ah, my love, please make love to me.”_ _  
__  
__  
__They at each other for a while. White noise buzzing in their ears blocking out their own hearts beating with ferocity._ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun moves first. Slowly, as if treading on thin ice, he kisses Youngjae. Muttering “if you want me to” just above Youngjae’s lips before they touch his own._ _  
__  
__  
__*****_ _  
__  
__  
__“Do we really need to lock up all doors AND windows?” Youngjae groans, watching Daehyun running around his little bedroom double locking the hatches and pulling at the curtains._ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun stares at him with raised eyes and challenges him “you really wanna take the chance of Himchan or Yongwon Hyung barging on us while I’m balls deep inside you?” Youngjae chokes back an embarrassed cough at the brashness of the boy._ _  
__  
__  
__After he is certain that no wandering eyes will catch them in the act, Daehyun jumps into the bed, immediately straddling the younger boy underneath him. “You sure you’re ready, Jae?” he asks one last time just to make sure. As if the last five times weren’t enough._ _  
__  
__  
__“Yes!” Youngjae groans. “Come on, Dae! You’ve already asked me that five times in the span of fifteen minutes! I’m ready! Now hurry up already!” He pulls the boy down on his. Pushing his hand on his  waistband of his jeans and bites out in a scared whimper. “I heard it hurts a lot if you don’t prep well enough.”_ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun’s expression softens at the fear evident in his boyfriend’s eyes. He kisses Youngjae’s lips longingly, elongating the moment. Husky and deep breaths. “I got you, Baby.”_ _  
__  
__  
__Flashback Over_ _  
_  
  
“Hey, Junhong!” Youngjae sing-songs into his cell phone as he nears the meeting place. Watching out for the rushing by cars before he walks down the zebra walking.  
  
  
“Hey, Jae!!!” comes excited vice of the younger boy from the other line. “When are we meeting up, Jae!?” The voice whines into the receiver. Youngjae van hear a tutting sound coming from somewhere beside Junhong, asking him to not scream too much. It’s kind though, so Youngjae doesn’t point it out.  
  
  
Youngjae chuckles warmly into the mike of his cell phone, nodding at the lady in the entrance politely before pushing open the backdoor to the open grounds outside. “We’re meeting up tomorrow, remember?” Youngjae calmly reminds him, walking casually towards the bench in the far end. “You, me and Daehyun!”  
  
  
“I can’t wait to meet up, Jae!!! Junhong sounds elated over the line. “I got first place yesterday for that dancing contest  I took part and I can’t wait to show my trophy to Daehyun!”  
  
  
“I’m sure he wants to see it too, kiddo.” Youngjae smiles relentingly. By then he reaches the bench and hurries his goodbye. “Gotta go, Bunhongie. I’m here to meet Daehyun now.”  
  
  
“Okay! Tell him I love him, Jae! See you tomorrow!!!” With that the line gets cut as Youngjae hangs up.  
  
  
He sits down at the bench and smiles warmly. “Hey there, Daehyunie.”  
  
  
_Flashback_ _  
__  
__  
__“He’s your brother!?” Youngjae asks aghast. Staring wide-eyed at the eleven-year-old peering up at him._ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun titters in his spot and pulls Youngjae into a back hug, pressing his chin into his right shoulder. He muses excitedly, clearly enjoying Youngjae’s shock. “Yep.” Daehyun replies cheekily. When Youngjae turns his head to stare at him, Daehyun pecks at his lips and tightens his hold on the boy. “You know I was adopted, right?” Youngjae nods and Daehyun takes that as an invitation to continue. “And you also know I’ve been searching for my parents ever since I found out eight years ago?”_ _  
__  
__  
__“I know.” Youngjae whispers, turning back to look at the excited boy grinning up at him._ _  
__  
__  
__“Well,” Daehyun presses his cheek into Youngjae as he hummed pleasantly. “Apparently, they died years ago.” When Youngjae winces out a silent condolence, Daehyun shakes his head in refusal. “Don’t be sorry. It’s fine.”_ _  
__  
__  
__“Still. It must hurt."_ _  
__  
__  
__He pulls away and juts his hands in his jeans. Looking up at the ceiling. “I didn’t even know them how could I feel bad about their death, Jae.” Youngjae reaches down between them to hold onto Daehyun’s hand. The elder looks back at Youngjae and smiles as he jerks his head at the boy. He crouches down in front of Junhong and ruffles his hair as he continues. “The orphanage I’d been at contacted me about a year ago though, telling me about my parents having left another one after me.” He chuckled, lifting the boy into his arms. “I didn’t believe them at first. But then we got tested together and our DNAs matched.”_ _  
__  
__  
__*****_ _  
__  
__  
__“He’s so unlike you.” Youngjae declares as they are walking of the orphanage. Waving at an ecstatic Junhong._ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun shrugs at that and explains, “at least he got one thing from me.”_ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae turns to him with a frown and leans his side into Daehyun’s as they continue walking. “What is it? He’s so different from you, Daehyunie.”_ _  
__  
__  
__The elder shakes his head impishly and informs Youngjae merrily. “He makes you smile too, doesn’t it? Just like your amazing, dashing, unbelievably awesome boyfriend’s does.” Bowing dramatically for effect._ _  
__  
__  
__“He really does, Dae. He’s so talented I was shocked when he started rapping.” Youngjae admits. “We should put him in vocal classes, don’t you think?”_ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun must’ve stared too long, too oddly at him because Youngjae frowned at him. “What did you just say?” He found himself whispering incredulously._ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae’s frown deepened at his boyfriend’s words. “What did I say?”_ _  
__  
__  
__“Y- you said…” The elder grapples around for a proper way to word his surprise. “You said, WE should put him vocal classes?”_ _  
__  
__  
__“Yeah,” he responds nonchalantly. Not understanding the reason for Daehyun’s shocked expression. “I mean, he’s pretty talented, Daehyun. And he’s young now. That’s the best time to mold his talents. Give him a path, you know? Maybe he could become an idol?”_ _  
__  
__  
__“I meant-“ Daehyun is speechless but still pushes through to voice out his feelings. “I meant, that you said WE instead of YOU. Like… Like… Like…”_ _  
__  
__  
__“Like he’s my family?” Youngjae guesses with a lopsided smile. When Daehyun gulps and nods, Youngjae kisses the knuckles pressed into his palms. “We should adopt him once we graduate.”_ _  
__  
__  
__There are tears lingering in Daehyun’s eyes. “Y- you…”_ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae simply nods. He knows Daehyun is too choked up in his own emotions right now to even form coherent speech. But he knows what Daehyun’s asking. ‘Is that what you really want?’_ _  
__  
__  
__“I’m sure, Daehyun-ah.” Youngjae assure the boy. “He’s great. He’s your brother. And I can totally see him calling me Dad and you Appa in the future.” In an afterthought he adds, “well, maybe he could continue calling us by our names, but we definitely get to use our paternal status when want him to get the chores done or sleep early.” Youngjae enunciates almost importantly. His smile widening at Daehyun’s apparent adoration for him. He kisses Daehyun and asks cheekily, “can you do this for me?”_ _  
__  
__  
__Daehyun lunges at the boy and kisses him heavily. Youngjae giggles into the kiss as Daehyun yells aloud, “I will, if you want me to. I will!”_ _  
__  
__  
__“Of course, you will.” Youngjae gloats back._ _  
__  
__  
__Suddenly Daehyun holds him at an arm’s length. Watching Youngjae fiercely. “Wait here.” He demands and runs behind him towards a nearby tree. Youngjae watches his boyfriend frantically looking around from something in the ground. He picks something off the ground and races back to Youngjae exclaiming. “I saw this in the morning while we were entering the orphanage.”_ _  
__  
__  
__“What is it?”_ _  
__  
__  
__“Hang on” Youngjae watches Daehyun’s swiftly moving fingers fascinated. “Done!” He pumps his fists in the air, before falling to the ground at Youngjae feet. Youngjae yelps as he moves back but Daehyun holds onto his hands before the boy can move too far. “Yoo Youngjae.” Daehyun starts and Youngjae can hear violins playing in the background. Tears springing in his eyes and his lips turn up into the widest smile. “You’ll marry me, right?”_ _  
__  
__  
__Youngjae doesn’t reply. He can’t possibly begin to articulate his feelings into words. So, he merely falls to the ground in front of Daehyun. Screaming a “YES!” he leaps into the boy’s awaiting arms. Letting him slip the keychain that he reshaped on his ring finger._ _  
__  
__  
__Flashback Over_ _  
__  
_  
Youngjae holds Junhong’s hands as they walk towards the bench again. He’s already met Daehyun the day before, but he’s back with Junhong again today. The boy, who’d been talking a mile a minute, suddenly turns quiet as they near the location.  
  
  
They stop short a little further away from the bench. Junhong falls into a crouch, glassy eyed and speaks. “Hey there, Dae.” He pats at the small, marble dais that rises from the ground. His lips wobbling. “I missed you.”  
  
  
Youngjae crouches down beside him. Looking broken beyond repair but still held together by some unnatural force. He tousles Junhong’s hair and adds. “Yeah. Junhong graduated middle school yesterday.”  
  
  
“Youngjae is gonna graduate next week too, Dae.” Junhong sniffles as he makes himself comfortable on the ground. He looks up at the elder beside him and smiles proudly as he continues. “He already filled out the adoption papers. He’ll sign them as soon as he’s done with the graduation ceremony.”  
  
  
The elder boy places his arm around the fourteen-year old’s shoulder and nods. “Just like we promised we would, right Daehyunie?”  
  
  
Junhong then turns to him and asks with inquisitive eyes. “You said Himchan gave you something to listen to?”  
  
  
As if just remembering that information, Youngjae slaps his forehead before grabbing his backpack. “Yeah. I think it’s a recent song.” He pulls out the Walkman and regards Junhong seriously, “by the way, he was asking about that girl you’d wanted him to write a song about.”  
  
  
Junhong turns red at the inquiry. “Whatever.” He petulantly exclaims before diverting the conversation back to the Walkman in Youngjae’s hand. “You brought your speakers, right?”  
  
“Yeah, just a second.” He plugged the mini-speaker into the Walkman audio port and pressed pay before placing it on the ground next to Daehyun’s tombstone.  
  
  
They wait with bated breath to hear one of Himchan’s new melodies but what sounds from the speakers has them both stunned.  
  
  
*static noise in the background*  
  
**“Is this on, Yongguk?”** Daehyun's voice filters through the speakers.  
  
*shuffling in the background*  
  
**“Yes, Daehyun. It is.”** Bites out Himchan sounding both annoyed and amused.  
  
*more shuffling* *sounds of squabbling*  
  
**“Don’t speak, dammit! I don’t want your dumb voice infiltrating my tape!”** Daehyun practically shrieks.  
  
**“Fine! I’m not gonna SAY ANYMOOOOOOORE!”** **  
**  
*shuffling in the background* *sounds of one of them hitting the other*  
  
**“Don't tease him, Himchan!”** Yongguk’s voice echoes from somewhere far.  
  
*more sounds of someone being hit*  
  
**“Ooof! Hey! Hey! Alright, Alright! I won't speak anymore!”**  
  
  
**“…brat.”** **  
**  
*sounds of doors slamming*  
  
**“It's okay. We'll just record without him.”** Yongguk confirms.  
  
**“H- Hey there, Jae.”** Daehyun starts.  
**“This is super awkward, right? Urgh! I am so stupid! Anyway. So... Uh… It's just that… I was thinking how I never... You know, right? Say I love you, when you say it… I mean, I do! You know… THAT You! It's just... Hard, you know? It's embarrassing to say it, Baby.”**  
  
*shuffling in the background* *sounds of zip opening*  
  
**“Anyway. You know, right? What I feel for you?”** **  
**  
*more shuffling and sounds of  sonorous strings*  
  
**“Um... I actually wrote a song for you. DON'T LAUGH AT ME! I'll give it to you tomorrow. Fourth anniversary gift, Baby~~~”** **  
**  
*more strings sounds* *guitar strumming*  
  
**"My guitar skills really improved, by the way."** Daehyun casually admits.  
  
*strumming continues* *Daehyun starts singing*  
  
*Daehyun starts singing*  
  
**“Woooooaw!!! I improved at playing guitar, huh, Jae? Anyway. I know you will be in love with this song already, so whenever you want to hear it just ask to me sing it. Okay, Baby? All you gotta do is ask and I'll do anything, if you want me to.”** **  
****  
** *more static noise*  
  
Soon the recording comes to an end. With Daehyun's voice lingering between the two boys like an unrelenting cage of despair. Junhong scoffs mirthlessly, filling the empty cemetery with dry, laughs.  
  
“Until the end,” he grins. “He didn't say he loved you, until the end.”  
  
Junhong turns to Youngjae to catch the boy smiling pleasantly. “He didn't need to, Bunhongie.”  
  
The younger boy nods in understanding. Knows what Youngjae is talking about. He huffs a sigh and turns the tape again. Back to the starting of Daehyun's song.  
  
*****  
  
He's back home now. After dropping Junhong off at the orphanage, Youngjae is back at his and Daehyun's apartment that they had bought during their second year together.  
  
He stares at Walkman in his hand and soon decides to place it on his bedside table. Making sure to keep it on display for whenever he wants to hear Daehyun's voice. Compelled by some unknown need, he then turns to the telephone sitting next to it.  
  
His fingers dial the number before he has the time to even register what he was doing. And before he can even decide to hang up, the phone gets received.  
  
“Jae?” Yongguk’s bleary voice fills his ears and Youngjae blurts out the question that has been lingering in his senses ever since he first heard the recording.  
  
“Why didn't you give me the recording with Daehyun singing?”  
  
"Y… Youngwon didn't… Youngwon didn't want me to...” He hears the guilt in the elder voice but can't find himself feeling anything towards him. No resentment or anger. Just plain numbness.  
  
Youngjae swallows the lump in his throat and inquires in a sense of urgency. “There's more, isn't it?”  
  
“... just one more.”  
  
  
*****  
  
The boy stares at his laptop with wide eyes. Having forced the USB from Yongwon, Youngjae is back at his apartment to listen to whatever Daehyun had recorded for him. Accept he finds himself unable to open the file.  
  
It's password locked and the hint is too simple.  
  
**Something I say the most.** **  
**  
He types in the password and just like magic the file opens.  
  
**“Hey there, Baby.”**   Daehyun's voice filters through his earphones. **“I decided to record this in MP3 format cuz I'm doing this alone. Don't worry I'm not singing in this one.”** **  
****  
** *quiet shuffling*  
  
**“I wanted to record this just for fun.”** Daehyun explains. **“Remember you said you liked it when I spoke in Satori and that you like my whispering, husky voice? Here goes.”** **  
**  
*someone clears their throat*  
  
**“You're beautiful, Jae.”** Daehyun's voice is that low timber Youngjae is in love with. So, so beautiful. **“I love your box smile. Your eyes. Nose. Your laugh. I am in love with your scent. And after we started dating, I fell in love with your body. Your moans. I know I never say this. But I love you, Jae. So, so much. And I promise to keep loving you forever.”** **  
**  
The recording ends with Daehyun's last words to Youngjae. And Youngjae cries to sleep. Reveling in the fact that Daehyun didn't ever have to say he loved him.  
  
He goes to sleep with the knowledge that Daehyun's ‘I Love You’ was always worded differently.  
  
_Flashback_ _  
__  
__“Daehyun-ah.” A four year old Youngjae calls out. “When we grow up, let's fall in love with each other.”_ _  
__  
__A five year old Daehyun frowns as he voice out his query. “Why? I wanna love many, many, many people!”_ _  
__  
__Youngjae shakes his chubby hands all around in denial and exclaims, “you can't do that, stupid! My Mommy says you should only fall in love with ONE person.”_ _  
__  
__Daehyun pouts apprehensively and exclaims, “But I wanna love my Mom and Dad and Channie and Yongguk and Uppie and Youngwon too, idiot!”_ _  
__  
__“You're the idiot, idiot!” The younger boy declares haughtily. “I was said we should fall in love with each other. That's different than loving each other!”_ _  
__  
__The elder puffs his cheeks in acknowledgment, voicing his understanding of the concept. “Ahhhh~ I get it. Like Mommy and Daddy kinda love?”_ _  
__  
__“Exactly!”_ _  
__  
__Another frown settles into Daehyun's brow as he inquires again. “But why with each other?”_ _  
__  
__Youngjae huffs as if annoyed by Daehyun's ‘dumb’ questions and dramatically sighs. “Because that way we can always stay together, idiot!”_ _  
__  
__“Ahhhh~~~ Nice!”_ _  
__  
__“So? Will you do it?” Youngjae asks letting his haughty facade down to ask in all sincerity. He doesn't have any other friends besides Daehyun, so Daehyun needs to say yes or else life will be too boring!_ _  
__  
__Daehyun considers this for a second. Having Youngjae forever would be so, so cool! Daehyun could totally do that! He thinks it's an amazing idea! So, he nods his head violently and agrees._ _  
__  
__  
__“Okay, Jae! I'll fall in love with you if you want me to!”_ _  
__  
_  
  
_______________  
  
  
  
DID YOU GUESS THE PASSWORD!?!?!?

 

Twitter: @CMiMiU | Tumblr: cmimiu.tumblr.com | Ko-Fi: [Buy Me A Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/cmimiu) 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my SoulSister, My Unnie~~~  
> Because I enjoy giving her pain.  
> I promise the Birthday Update for Jae will be fluff! I promise!!! OTL  
> OTL OTL OTL OTL OTL


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